The Steelers offense didn't look much better against the Saints on Sunday night. So now we are left with a big mess when trying to figure out who we'll be watching in the big game come February.
Tom Jackson and Trent Dilfer can only say the phrase "parody in the NFL" so many times. ESPN needs to let Mike Ditka go on an extensive rant about how Brad Childress is the worst thing to happen to the Vikings since Daunte Culpepper's knee went kaboom while also detailing how the Houston Texans are more of a tease than the ending of Inception (the top totally fell over). I'd feel more confident casting Clay Aiken as the new Batman than I would buying stock in any NFL team right now.But, that being said, the Super Bowl will be rewarding if only to see Jerry Jones wipe the tears from his eyes as he is forced to watch another team hoist the Lombardi Trophy in his stadium. So let's breakdown each conference to see who are the most likely teams to play in the Super Bowl and watch a grown man cry.
NFC
New Orleans Saints (5-3) - 30% chance
Right now, the NFC is a complete toss up. But on Sunday night against Pittsburgh, the Saints defense showed they can win games while Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas get healthy. A second half turnaround should be in store for the defending champs.
Green Bay Packers (5-3) - 25% chance
The Packers got off to a slow start (probably thanks to so many people piling on the bandwagon over the summer), but look to be headed back in the right direction. Like the Saints, the Packers' biggest opponent is the injury bug. While the defense looked better last week, they could still use Al Harris and Atari Bigby to sure up that secondary. Plus, Donald Driver needs to give Aaron Rodgers all the weapons he can get since Green Bay runs the ball about as well as Snooki spells (yes, she's writing a book!).New York Giants (5-2) - 20% chance
The G-Men have won four straight and everyone is calling for a New York/New York or Manning/Manning Super Bowl, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. While the Giants have a good defense again and some quality skill position guys, Eli Manning is still their quarterback. Eli's tied for the most INTs in the NFL so far, and has shown his ability to go cold for extended stretches before (remember last year when the Giants started 5-0 and then lost their next four games).
Atlanta Falcons (5-2) - 15% chance
The Falcons seem to be the mystery team in the NFC this year. Matt Ryan and that young offense look unstoppable at times, but if the Falcons can't run the ball effectively, can Ryan always be counted on to win games for them? In both the Falcons' losses this year, they rushed for less than 100 yards. The defense is good-but-not-great, so the Falcons' hopes likely reside with Matty Ice (I just like saying it) and the offense.
Philadelphia Eagles (4-3) - 10% chance
Michael Vick under center (playing the way he did a couple weeks ago) gives the Eagles a shot. The defense had been relied on to keep Philadelphia in games for years, but when Kenny Britt torches you for more than 250 yards and three scores, it's time to go back to the drawing board. The Eagles' brutal schedule and Andy Reid won't help much either. Seriously, if Creed can replace Scott Stapp why can't the Eagles replace Reid already?Dallas Cowboys (1-6) - 0% chance
It feels so good to write this. Just for a few good laughs, let us check out where the Cowboys stand as of today.
Tony Romo: hurt and probably won't play again this year
Wade Phillips: just looks confused
DeMarcus Ware: yet to make an impact this year
Miles Austin: might be getting back together with Kim Kardashian
Dez Bryant: the lone bright spot in the Cowboys' season
Jerry Jones: needs a hug
AFC
Indianapolis Colts (5-2) - 25% chance
The AFC is once again stacked beyond belief. You could make an argument for five teams in the AFC being better than every team from the NFC. But Peyton Manning is still the best quarterback in the NFL, so the Colts top the list. Since their "out-of-nowhere" loss to the Jaguars, Indy has won three straight over pretty good teams (KC, Washington and Houston) to regain their form. The defense has greatly improved, but it may be asked to do a little more if Peyton's weapons keep hopping over to the sidelines.
New England Patriots (6-1) - 20% chance
Putting aside jokes about Tom Brady's hair and Bill Belichick's style trends, the Patriots simply know how to win. White America (underrated Eminem song) can't help but pull for the likes of Wes Welker and Danny Woodhead. After the Browns game this weekend, the Patriots will figure out just how good they are with a trip to Pittsburgh and a rematch with the Colts in Foxboro (which somehow is not a primetime game). I know I'm a month late on this, but Brandon Tate could be the key to the Patriots' success, since Deion Branch has looked older than Mick Jagger in his last couple games.Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2) - 20% chance
The Steelers are likely the most balanced team in the NFL. Big Ben has the receivers to carve up a defense, and Rashard Mendenhall emerged as the real deal this year. Since James Harrison isn't retiring any time soon and Troy Polamalu is still the best defensive player in the league, Pittsburgh makes a solid case for a Super Bowl run once again. Queue everyone's favorite playoff sports question. Does experience always trump old age come playoff time? The Steelers can't afford any key guys to go down with injuries if they want to bring home another ring for the Rooneys.
New York Jets (5-2) - 20% chance
The Jets defense is good. Really good. Mark Sanchez...not so much. Rex Ryan (and his 582-pound ego) put the weight of New York City on Sanchez's shoulders this offseason by naming the Jets the Super Bowl favorites. Can the Jets still win if Marky Mark's Funky Bunch (Shonn Greene and LT) don't control the game? The Green Bay Packers may have laid the blueprint for how to beat Fireman Ed & Co. this year.
Baltimore Ravens (5-2) - 10% chance
Over the summer, NFL gurus across the country were pledging their undying loyalty to Joe Flacco. While Flacco and Anquan Boldin were quick to develop some chemistry, whether or not the Delaware Blue Hen can lead the Ravens to the big game remains to be seen (my money's on no). But Ed Reed improves a secondary in need of an upgrade, and Ray Lewis is still the last man I'd want to bump into in a dark alley. If nothing else, the Ravens will continue to win the award for "Scariest Team to Look Across the Sideline At."
Tennessee Titans (5-3) - 4% chance
Fear the Gold Grill. Whether it's Kerry Collins or Vince Young under center, Chris Johnson gives the Titans a shot every Sunday. Unfortunately, the defense is nowhere near what it used to be and Tennessee's other offensive options are limited at best. But if Lil Wayne can still put out CDs while in jail, why can't Chris Johnson put the Titans in the Super Bowl?Kansas City Chiefs (5-2) - 1% chance
Yes, the Kansas City Chiefs. Aubrey Huff and Edgar Renteria led the San Francisco Giants to a World Series title, so I see no reason why Jamaal Charles and Thomas Jones can't do the same for the Chiefs. With nine games left, Kansas City only plays one legitimate contender (Tennessee at home in Week 16). While I realize how crazy it sounds, Kansas City has a chance for a first-round bye in the AFC playoffs. My Crazy Theory: The rest of the AFC beats each other up as the Chiefs get the top spot in the AFC at 12-4. Call me crazy, but having the AFC title go through Arrowhead Stadium would make things awfully interesting in late January.
The eyes are the groin of the head.
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